"Hey."

"Hey."

That's all Alex and I said to one another as he sat down across from me in the dank visitor's room. It was completely silent for what seemed like an eternity, the only noise coming from the flickering fluorescent lights. Frankly, I was surprised he'd even agreed to see me, after all that'd went down over the past three months.

To say I owed him a visit was a vast understatement. I owed him so much more. But sitting there, right then, I didn't know what to say. Or how to say it. I just sat there staring at the floor, rubbing the back of my neck with my right hand. 

"Mase, what's up?"

I looked up at Alex, who cracked a smile. That threw me off. "Nothing, man," I cleared my throat. "Just wanted to come by and see how you were doing. Yanni said she came by yesterday, so I wanted to see you for myself."

"Yeah, her and Red have been by this week. Feels like a family reunion up in this bitch," he joked.

I let out a nervous laugh. "Shit, with family like us . . ."

"I'll be fine," he finished my sentence, his smile disappearing.

"Yeah," I said, my voice trailing off. "You will be."

"Yanni tells me you've been holding it down in my absence. Much respect for that."

"Is that what she told you?" I said sarcastically, knowing good and well Yanni didn't waste a chance to bash me in front of her number one soldier. I could just imagine her sitting in this very seat going on and on about my fuck-ups over the past three months.

"Seriously, Mase. She says you're doing all right. A few hiccups along the way, but still."

I just looked at him, tried to read his eyes. Tried to understand how he could be so positive at a time like this. How he could keep up this type of attitude knowing full well he was being held for something that he didn't do. I'd always admired Alex for his integrity. Ever since I got to know him, I'd tried to emulate his strength and patience. And had failed miserably.

"I've just been trying to do right by Yanni. And by you, man. God knows I've been through a lot since coming to Blogsome. Been an asshole. Fucked up. But you guys have been there."

"That's what family does."

"Ha. Not my family," I snorted. "Never . . ."

"This family does," he said, tapping his index finger against the table. "And you're down with us. Just keep being there for Yanni. She needs you to be. Keep being there for Red, too. That man looks up to you, Mase. Hell, he was willing to die for you. Remember that? That right there should tell you that you're one of us."

Hearing that made my stomach flip. Made me feel all the more guilty for the way things had gone down. For the way my mother was acting. Made it hurt even more.

I looked up at Alex. "I'm sorry, man."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"Look, you're good for not bringing it up, but come on." I looked around to see if the guards were listening to our conversation. "My mother. She's . . . she's . . ."

"Your mother," he finished, staring back at me. "And she will always be your mother. There's nothing you can do about that."

"But she knows."

"You're right, she probably does."

"Then she needs to say something," I said, raising my voice before calming down to an angry whisper. "I feel like you're in here because of her. Because of my mother!" I stopped and shook my head. "Fuck that, Alex. She needs to step up. Didn't you just say that's what families do?"

Alex slid his chair back from the table, rocking on its rear legs while letting out a long sigh. "Mase, I hear you. But she's your mother, man. She's looking out for her family."

"Fuck that! I'm her family!"

"And so is he."

I looked away, trying not to let my anger allow any tears to fall. "The fact that she chooses him," I started, clearing my throat again.

"Mase, listen. You can't control what she does. You can only control yourself. Isn't that the first thing we taught you when you came aboard?"

"Yeah, man. It is." I had yet to fully grasp that lesson.

"Then do that. Keep putting that frustration to good use, helping Yanni and Red and my team. Keep focused on doing right by that little sister you got on the way. Most of all, keep out of any trouble that could land you in a cell right next to me. I need you out there, man. Not in here. Besides, you gotta be there for Red in the next few months. Something tells me he might need you to catch him if he feels faint." He laughed. "You feel me?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "You're right about that. He's driving me crazy with questions already. Said he didn't want to bother you with them since you were . . ." My voice trailed off again. Back to rubbing my neck. "I'll hold it down for you, man. It's the least I can do."

"Nah, man," he said, keeping it light, "the least you can do is not break any more windows in Yanni's house. Them things are expensive." 

We both laughed.

He leaned forward again. "The most you can do for me now is what you've been doing. It's all family, man."

"Family," I repeated. 

"Stay up, soldier."

Alex stood and headed back inside the prison. I sat there for a minute to collect myself. I really wasn't sure why I came to visit Alex that day. Was it to make him feel better, or to make myself feel less guilty for how things turned out? Whatever it was, I left Blogsome Correctional Facility that afternoon even more determined to make sure that my family did right by my "family." 

That's all that mattered.