When I walked into the “pat down” area, Carri, the lone female guard I’d begun to form a civil relationship with, smiled and asked, “Does he know?”

“Hunh?” So caught up was I in my own world, I had no idea what she was talking about. The motions. For weeks, that’s all I’d been going through.

“I asked, does he know?” she repeated, acting like we were co-conspirators or something. She nodded toward the long hallway leading to the visitor’s area, and then back at me. “He needs something to brighten his spirits.”

“I don’t think he needs this, but I have to tell him today.”

“Good luck, baby,” she said, winking at me and ignoring the big tote bag on my shoulder. “Like I said, he needs good news.”

Why did everybody think my news was good news, but me? My first stop of the day had been to my doctor’s office. The minute I walked in, his receptionist looked up from the tons of folders on her desk and broke into a wide-faced grin. That’s when I knew it was a definite.

Ask me, everybody was dealing with my situation better than I was. But how else could I deal? It wasn’t like Alex was coming home tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after that. This was just not the right time.

As I walked down the same corridor I had been walking down for the past three months, I thought about how much I missed having my honey in the house. Even with Red’s and Jean’s healthy appetites, nothing beat that of my man.

I missed his hugs. I missed his soft kisses on my neck in the morning. I missed seeing him on the patio with AJ on his chest.

And, you better know it, true to form, I was seriously balling by the time I reached Alex.

“Sweetness, you gotta stop crying when you come in here,” he said, standing to pull out a chair for me. “Seeing you like this makes it harder for me.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” I sniffed out, trying to get comfortable in the cold steel chair. I wiped at my tears, but they just kept coming. Like everything in my life, nothing wanted to obey.

Carri walked by depositing a box of tissue on the table. Without breaking stride, she strolled over to the command post, winked in my direction again and pretended to busy herself with an old magazine.

“I see you and the sister are getting pretty tight. Think she’d be open to conjugal visits?” He burst into laughter.

I frowned at him. Far removed from thinking that shit was funny.

Alex cleared his throat and said, “I meant between you and me, baby.”

“Oooh, I’m so sorry. I guess I’ve lost my sense of humor, too.” And just as I thought I’d emptied my tank, more tears rushed to the surface. Damn, how I hated hormones. Ever since Alex had been in jail, I came in every week crying. Just crying and crying.

It really disturbed me to see him here. See him in a place because of Sheldon, when it was Sheldon who deserved to be here.

“Star, seriously, you’ve got to stop crying. It can’t be good for you—or AJ.”

“I know. Okay, here, this might make me smile. Look at AJ.” I reached into my tote bag and whipped out a bulging photo album with AJ’s pictures. I had been keeping track of all his movements, since Alex was incarcerated. It was amazing how fast he was growing.

“Wow, my man has teeth!” Alex exclaimed, thumbing through the photos.

“Yes, very painful teeth,” I added, chuckling. “The other day he was playing with Red and wanted a bite of whatever Red was chewing on. Needless to say, he got more of Red’s finger than the food.”

“Oh, no! Is there something you can do to fix that?”

“Not a thing. To quote Mama, ‘welcome to the world of teething.’ It has really been a doozy. I gave up breastfeeding, the first time he chawed down. It was a true—”

“I’m OK, Star. You don’t have to make small talk.” He reached over and rubbed my arm, before turning back to the book and continuing to flip through.

“It’s just that I miss you so much,” I whispered. “I know that I shouldn’t be bringing this to you, but I do.”

“Not as much as I miss you,” he said, looking up. I grew silent, watching as he flipped through the last few pages. His expressions changed with each photo. The ones that hurt the most were the ones where his jaw muscles tensed.

“So, what’s it like being back at work?” he asked, plucking a photo of AJ out of the book. His eyes burned with a fiery intensity as he stared at me, waiting for an answer.

“That look says you’re expecting the truth,” I huffed.

“Nothing less.”

I sighed. “Truthfully, it’s exhausting. There’s so much going on that I don’t know what to worry about most. Projects here, there.” I took a deep breath and continued, “I’m just grateful that everyone is so understanding.”

“I hope they aren’t giving you grief about what’s going on.”

“Surprisingly, no. And my boss has been amazing. He said his brother went through something like this and that I should keep the faith. That what needs to happen will happen in due time.”

“What needs to happen is for Sheldon to surface.”

“Please, that name. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach.”

“Seems you and Mase might be suffering the same ailment,” he said, jokingly.

“Lord, let’s not get on the subject of Mason. He’s got so much bottled-up anger. I’m always expecting him to explode. He comes over to the house regularly to eat and, if someone mentions Sheldon or even you being here, he sulks off. I think he’s trying to work through his anger, but in the wrong way.”

“Well, you know Mase. He has to do things his own way in his own time.”

I finally looked up and realized Alex was still searching me out. “What?” I asked, blushing.

“Ever since you got here, you’ve been rambling on about any and everything. What aren’t you telling me?”

“You always think I’m hiding something. Quit probing.” I brushed my hair back behind my ear.

“You’re messing with your hair. Yeah, I’d say you’re hiding something. I know you too well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Meaning, you come in here talking nonstop and when I question you, you play with your hair. I might be physically locked down, but my brain and sense of perception still works.” He smiled, adding, “And if you’re cooking for everybody in town—including Mase—you’re definitely hiding something.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything.”

“Starlet, this is me you’re talking to.” Alex leaned forward in the chair, just inches from my face.

I almost fainted at the proximity. The idea of conjugal visits danced through my head, followed by a sweeping wave of heat that made me break out in a cold sweat.

“So, you gonna talk or am I going to spend the rest of our visit playing 20 questions?” Alex asked, studying me closely.

I pulled a tissue out of the box and mopped my forehead. “OK, you win. I went to the doctor this morning and—”

“Visitation time is over,” a gruff-sounding guard yelled.